Florida Sport Fishing - Boat Show Blues

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Boat Show Blues

Written by Cornelius 'Whitey' Jones

Thursday, 03 May 2007

AS SEEN IN THE MAY/JUNE '07 ISSUE

I used to think boat shows were the most exciting events on earth. I mean, where else can you see hundreds of brand new boats of all shapes, sizes and colors in one place? Where else can you touch and feel all of the latest gear, gadgets, marine electronics and accessories under the same roof? Add in all of the eye candy, and I used to think spending a day at a boat show was like spending a day in heaven. I don’t think that any more.

Today, my outlook on boat shows is very different. I wouldn’t attend another boat show if you told me I could have free admission, free lunch and all the free beer I could drink.

I have been considering the purchase of a new sportfish. I thoroughly enjoy my 36 ft. express, but with a recent promotion and as a single father with a son now spending more time in college than at home, it seemed to be a great time to move up. For months, I have been researching different options and finally narrowed down my choice to a single 48 ft. convertible. She was big, fast and beautiful. So far so good, right?

I recently had an opportunity to sea trial the model in a pre-owned version with a local broker and wanted to closely inspect a brand new boat before making my final purchasing decision. Fortunately, my broker informed me that the manufacturer was displaying the same model at an upcoming boat show- but the broker couldn’t attend due to “previous engagements.”

“No biggie” I thought, I will go by myself. Hence, mistake #1.

Mistakes #2 and #3 were rushing to the show after leaving the office, and forgetting my cell phone on the passenger seat of my truck once I luckily found an open parking spot. By the time I had hustled to Dock B Slip 42, it was well past 6:00 p.m. and the show was nearly over for the day. As a matter of fact, now that I look back and think about it, there was barely anybody on Dock B. Nevertheless, there she was with a gleaming cockpit and towering bridge just beckoning me.

With no salesmen or manufacturer’s representatives in sight, I figured “What the hell!” So I slid the salon door open and in I went. I inspected every inch of this spectacular sportfish. I opened every drawer, every closet, peered around every corner, laid on every bed and sat in every chair. I practically went through the engine room with a magnifying glass- noting numerous measurements and specifications on my PDA. After my survey, I was now convinced that this was the boat for me! At the same time, I also realized that it was dark out. I must have been wandering about the interior of this vessel for close to two hours and had completely lost track of time. With every bit of track lighting, recessed lighting and fluorescent lighting illuminated, I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. Oops!

I began making my way back to the end of the dock which is exactly when things took a turn south.

I heard a no-nonsense, you’d best do as I say sort of voice say, “Freeze, put your hands on your head and do not make another move!” At that moment, a very bright beam of light hit me square in the eyes. Blinded, the next thing I knew, a police officer with the local sheriff’s office was frisking me.

I recall the officer blurting something to the effect of “What are you doing on that boat?”

“I…I…I…I’m thinking about buying it…Sir.” I said.

“We’ve had a bunch of boats broken into over the last few nights. Do you have any identification sir?” He said this just as he moved my shaking hands from the top of my head to behind my back and into restraints. To say the least, I was not very happy, especially when I realized that I had left my wallet right next to my cell phone- on the front seat of my truck. My broker had given me a complimentary ticket to enter the show and with no intentions of purchasing anything, I never thought to grab my wallet. After informing the officer where my truck was, he said, “Oh yeah, let’s go find out!”

After practically being thrown into the back of a police car, and yes, the officers do put their hands on a suspect’s head so that he won’t bump his head on the car door, off we drove to find my truck. By now, well into the night, the lot was practically empty. He took my keys, opened the door, found my wallet and removed my driver’s license. He called to check on me and my past as I sat handcuffed and humiliated in the back of his patrol car like some sort of convicted felon.

When I was found to be a non-offending member of society with no prior arrests, the officer took off the restraints and asked me why I was rummaging through the yacht. I said, “My broker told me to go to Dock B, Slip 42 to inspect a new boat.”

The cop giggled and said,”Your broker told you wrong, sir. Those are all privately owned yachts on Dock B. The yachts on display for the boat show start on Dock D. D, sir. Not B. Plus, most thieves wouldn’t be brazen enough to park in a “Handicapped Only” parking space, either.”

The cop said,” Sir, Please don’t be caught on someone else’s yacht again or you will be arrested. And sir, here is your $250 ticket for parking in a Handicapped Space.”

No more boat shows for me.

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